come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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