Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
