just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
