Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
