The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
