It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
