FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dick very happy bro
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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