My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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