You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
