I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
