1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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