I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
