and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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