i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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