dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex on a dog bed..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
