In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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