You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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