Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
