just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
