if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
