Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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