you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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