well you can't waste a boner
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
