I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
