Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
