Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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