for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
