why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
