he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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