This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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