During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
