She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize