he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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