so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
