I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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