I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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