Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
