Got a toothbrush?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
