i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
