Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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