your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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