You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
