halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
