you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize