the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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