Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
