i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
