Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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