I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
