Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
