whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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