yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
