why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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