and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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