On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
