I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
