I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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