i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize