Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
