I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
