i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
