"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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