Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
