I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my liver is dry heaving
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
