You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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