so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
