weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize