Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
