We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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