the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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