Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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