i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
