I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
